The Calamity of Zerxus Ilerez

[timegoddessrose]

I stayed up till 1 AM watching the first half of the final episode of Exandria Unlimited: Calamity, then at the break decided to go to bed because the episode (and this entire mini-campaign) was so good I wanted to be awake enough to enjoy it. This turned out to be a mistake since I didn't actually sleep much and now I have to wait until Monday to finish the episode, which is KILLING ME (enough so to make me consider a Twitch subscription). So, in the meantime, HAVE MY ZERXUS FEELINGS.

[Spoilers abound]

While everyone else has been (understandably) distracted by the lady wizards, I've found myself completely fixated on Zerxus "Sympathy for the Devil" Ilerez.

First of all, I am now obsessed with paladins as a class generally, and with the way Luis Carazo is playing the class in specific. "I don't believe in gods, but I believe I can redeem the devil" as a core mission statement for a character is just...holy, shit, wow?? Then, pivoting on that theme seamlessly to "I will sell my soul to the devil to save my friends and my world" once the Lord of the Hells' betrayal becomes apparent to Zerxus is just the best angsty icing on the thematic cake, with "your belief wasn't a mistake/kindness and forgiveness are never mistakes" sprinkles on top.

And I have been continually moved and impressed by Carazo and Brennan Lee Mulligan's performances, commitment, and emotional vulnerability while playing out the dynamic between Zerxus and Asmodeus, Lord of the Hells. The amount of times I have gently whispered at the screen, "yes, oh my god, thank you!" has reached some embarrassingly high number. Honestly, and not to be hyperbolic, but I am not used to getting things I want in media. I am accustomed to deep disappointment and mild aggravation when it comes to stories promising me complex, harmful--but deeply satisfying to explore fictionally, and therefore cathartic--dynamics, only to chicken out last minute. But both the player and the GM's iron clad commitment to staying in each and every moment with each other without flinching has been incredible to watch.

This is all with the caveat that I haven't yet watched the second half of the last episode, of course, so I could still end up needing to walk this back, but for once I strongly feel that I'm unlikely to have to do so.

Also, this? This is the Tragic Gay representation that I actually want. Zerxus, steeped in grief and guilt over the apparent death of his husband, a grief and guilt which fuels his unrelenting desire to heal and atone the world, a desire which becomes the nexus of both his central flaw and greatest strength--the unstoppable force of Zerxus' drive to redeem and be redeemed, crashing into the immovable object of the Lord of Lies is a). poetry and b). a freaking masterclass in how to build a character.

Like, yes, Calamity is filled with great characters and amazing performances from all the players. But Zerxus, for me, is on another level. The only other character who comes close in terms of complexity dovetailing with tragedy is Laerryn.

And I would be egregiously remiss if I did not mention in this post that Mulligan is just out here giving a free masterclass in both GMing and general storytelling. Absolutely withstands and lives up to his hype. Consider me a big fan.

So yes, anyway, tiny bit obsessed with Calamity generally and Zerxus specifically, okay bye.

Comments

[juushika]

I have been SO BUSY that it took ages to finish Calamity and then longer to catch up on this post & respond, but! Calamity! I felt a little guilty saying it until I watched the triple-DM roundtable and saw how enthusiastic Matt was about what's going on in EXU, because Calamity is probably the best thing that CR has ever done. Not said lightly! It's 100% my favorite thing since C1 and probably the best, most accessible, most successful and breathtaking, work they've ever produced.

A lot of it is Brennan Lee Mulligan and his phenomenal DMing style, and how his DMing marries to Matt's worldbuilding. The rest (other than, like, good players, obvs.) it is a product of format: higher-level characters in a short runtime with a foregone tragic conclusion means that it hits the ground running and never ever stops. And that's how we get characters & arcs like Zerxus. There's so much freedom for powerfully bad (but character-lead) decision making when no one is worried about a long-form campaign. It's so freeing! So committed!!

I have a friend that's really into one-shot TTRPGs like Ten Candles, and I think the draw is the same: In a limited game with a foregone tragic conclusion, tragedy is the win conditon. As a result, bad decisions and tragic outcomes are the narrative rather than stalling it. Which, it turns out, is really compelling and cathartic!

I loved that for all the characters tbh, especially Laerryn, god I love Laerryn. But we're very similar in that Zerxus and Asmodeus was exactly my thing. I just felt so blessed. You're absolutely right: a lot of media wants to introduce that dynamic and then defang it for whatever reason. The fully-fanged version was a pleasure.

I'm secretly glad that Mulligan's other work is, AFAIK, paywalled and primarily humorous; if it were just one of those things, I'd probably be diving into another DND podcast and there are like ... only so many hours in the day.

But I really enjoyed Calamity. Relistening to it via the podcast (as per your other post) is a great idea, actually! I may do that! I imagine it only gets better and it was just so, so good.

[timegoddessrose]

As a fandom lurker, I've been seeing that the guilt over Calamity being so good is quite widespread. When I got my mom to watch it, she actually remarked that she was glad not to have any previous loyalty to the other campaigns because it allowed her to fully enjoy Calamity guilt free. A former roommate of mine actually refuses to watch Calamity out of that same sense of loyalty. So, all that to say, it's a real phenomenon I've noticed.

But also like, as you pointed out, Matt is clearly unthreatened/unbothered by allowing other DMs to play in his world, so I feel like as fans we shouldn't be more precious about it than the man whose baby Exandria is.

It's funny that you should mention C1, because as I was watching Calamity, I kept thinking about something you had said to me about C1; that you loved it an unhinged amount. And I kept thinking to myself, "Calamity is that for me." 'Cause, truly, I love it an unhinged amount.

And yes, Brennan Lee Mulligan is probably the best actual play DM I've ever seen?? And that's no shade on Matt, or any other DMs I've watched. And to be fair, part of it is absolutely that his particular skills interact perfectly with the specific format. Another thing I think makes Calamity so good is that all the players at the table are very experienced, which streamlines technical rules-y clunkiness. In particular, my jaw was always hanging open watching Luis just slay as a Paladin. I was like, "Oh. *That's* how you're supposed to handle a Paladin in combat. I understand now."

Re: tragedy is the win condition. Huh. You know, that's probably why I find certain Lovecraft games so fun, because like, they're built so that "winning" is next to impossible, so the experience is about *how you lose* rather than "beating" the game. And there's something in that which can make for a deeply satisfying game experience. And I do think that is also a part of Calamity's success and strange appeal.

P.S. Uhhh. Not to encourage you to commit to another time drain ('cause indeed there are only so many hours in a day), but I believe the full seasons of Dimension 20's Fantasy High and The Unsleeping City are available on YouTube and in podcast form outside the paywall. Unfortunately for me, the only D20 concept I'm interested in is the Aabria GM'd Misfits and Magic which IS mostly behind the paywall.