The Calamity of Zerxus Ilerez
Jun. 17th, 2022 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timegoddessroseI stayed up till 1 AM watching the first half of the final episode of Exandria Unlimited: Calamity, then at the break decided to go to bed because the episode (and this entire mini-campaign) was so good I wanted to be awake enough to enjoy it. This turned out to be a mistake since I didn't actually sleep much and now I have to wait until Monday to finish the episode, which is KILLING ME (enough so to make me consider a Twitch subscription). So, in the meantime, HAVE MY ZERXUS FEELINGS.
[Spoilers abound]
While everyone else has been (understandably) distracted by the lady wizards, I've found myself completely fixated on Zerxus "Sympathy for the Devil" Ilerez.
First of all, I am now obsessed with paladins as a class generally, and with the way Luis Carazo is playing the class in specific. "I don't believe in gods, but I believe I can redeem the devil" as a core mission statement for a character is just...holy, shit, wow?? Then, pivoting on that theme seamlessly to "I will sell my soul to the devil to save my friends and my world" once the Lord of the Hells' betrayal becomes apparent to Zerxus is just the best angsty icing on the thematic cake, with "your belief wasn't a mistake/kindness and forgiveness are never mistakes" sprinkles on top.
And I have been continually moved and impressed by Carazo and Brennan Lee Mulligan's performances, commitment, and emotional vulnerability while playing out the dynamic between Zerxus and Asmodeus, Lord of the Hells. The amount of times I have gently whispered at the screen, "yes, oh my god, thank you!" has reached some embarrassingly high number. Honestly, and not to be hyperbolic, but I am not used to getting things I want in media. I am accustomed to deep disappointment and mild aggravation when it comes to stories promising me complex, harmful--but deeply satisfying to explore fictionally, and therefore cathartic--dynamics, only to chicken out last minute. But both the player and the GM's iron clad commitment to staying in each and every moment with each other without flinching has been incredible to watch.
This is all with the caveat that I haven't yet watched the second half of the last episode, of course, so I could still end up needing to walk this back, but for once I strongly feel that I'm unlikely to have to do so.
Also, this? This is the Tragic Gay representation that I actually want. Zerxus, steeped in grief and guilt over the apparent death of his husband, a grief and guilt which fuels his unrelenting desire to heal and atone the world, a desire which becomes the nexus of both his central flaw and greatest strength--the unstoppable force of Zerxus' drive to redeem and be redeemed, crashing into the immovable object of the Lord of Lies is a). poetry and b). a freaking masterclass in how to build a character.
Like, yes, Calamity is filled with great characters and amazing performances from all the players. But Zerxus, for me, is on another level. The only other character who comes close in terms of complexity dovetailing with tragedy is Laerryn.
And I would be egregiously remiss if I did not mention in this post that Mulligan is just out here giving a free masterclass in both GMing and general storytelling. Absolutely withstands and lives up to his hype. Consider me a big fan.
So yes, anyway, tiny bit obsessed with Calamity generally and Zerxus specifically, okay bye.
[Spoilers abound]
While everyone else has been (understandably) distracted by the lady wizards, I've found myself completely fixated on Zerxus "Sympathy for the Devil" Ilerez.
First of all, I am now obsessed with paladins as a class generally, and with the way Luis Carazo is playing the class in specific. "I don't believe in gods, but I believe I can redeem the devil" as a core mission statement for a character is just...holy, shit, wow?? Then, pivoting on that theme seamlessly to "I will sell my soul to the devil to save my friends and my world" once the Lord of the Hells' betrayal becomes apparent to Zerxus is just the best angsty icing on the thematic cake, with "your belief wasn't a mistake/kindness and forgiveness are never mistakes" sprinkles on top.
And I have been continually moved and impressed by Carazo and Brennan Lee Mulligan's performances, commitment, and emotional vulnerability while playing out the dynamic between Zerxus and Asmodeus, Lord of the Hells. The amount of times I have gently whispered at the screen, "yes, oh my god, thank you!" has reached some embarrassingly high number. Honestly, and not to be hyperbolic, but I am not used to getting things I want in media. I am accustomed to deep disappointment and mild aggravation when it comes to stories promising me complex, harmful--but deeply satisfying to explore fictionally, and therefore cathartic--dynamics, only to chicken out last minute. But both the player and the GM's iron clad commitment to staying in each and every moment with each other without flinching has been incredible to watch.
This is all with the caveat that I haven't yet watched the second half of the last episode, of course, so I could still end up needing to walk this back, but for once I strongly feel that I'm unlikely to have to do so.
Also, this? This is the Tragic Gay representation that I actually want. Zerxus, steeped in grief and guilt over the apparent death of his husband, a grief and guilt which fuels his unrelenting desire to heal and atone the world, a desire which becomes the nexus of both his central flaw and greatest strength--the unstoppable force of Zerxus' drive to redeem and be redeemed, crashing into the immovable object of the Lord of Lies is a). poetry and b). a freaking masterclass in how to build a character.
Like, yes, Calamity is filled with great characters and amazing performances from all the players. But Zerxus, for me, is on another level. The only other character who comes close in terms of complexity dovetailing with tragedy is Laerryn.
And I would be egregiously remiss if I did not mention in this post that Mulligan is just out here giving a free masterclass in both GMing and general storytelling. Absolutely withstands and lives up to his hype. Consider me a big fan.
So yes, anyway, tiny bit obsessed with Calamity generally and Zerxus specifically, okay bye.
